I have previously written about the Post-Adventure Blues and the Pre-Adventure Blues and felt I needed to write about the present. Having an adventure can be a rollercoaster at points you are having the best time and then suddenly you are at your lowest mentally and physically. This blog post is all about the struggles of actually being on the adventure.
“Unpredictability is all part of the adventure”, I will say to myself but the feeling of being out of control is a hard thing to get used to. Having no backup plan can be daunting and sometimes you just need to get over it. What if my bike breaks in the middle of nowhere? What if I trip and break my leg when out on a walk? There are lots of uncertainties and lots of barriers but how I always see it, if I don't go for it and take the risk it will never happen.
Days have turned into weeks on the road and I start to notice I am losing weight. It is so hard to make sure I am getting enough to eat. I can’t eat too much while cycling or hiking as it makes me feel groggy, I have to eat something or I am going to crash and I have to eat enough so I don’t become a skeleton. Over the years I struggled with finding the balance and I am now in touch with my body. Knowing what the body wants is very important, the body screams out to me when I need to eat or drink or rest. If I ignore these signs I could be in trouble. Yet despite knowing my body I still can’t stop losing weight, how could I cycle 80 miles a day or hike 20 miles a day and still find the time to eat the right amount of calories?
While on the road the mind can play games and questions of self-doubt will run circles in your brain. Why am I doing this? Am I good enough? What's the point? I become groggy, I slow down, and I wonder if I am going to make it. I start to worry about finances, safety, and my ability and I think about all the what-if circumstances. I feel sad, lonely and I have no idea what I am doing. Then suddenly you feel happy, loving life and on top of the world. The road is a rollercoaster.
Every day through past adventures I felt pain. At the start of the journey, my body struggled with the excess of exercise but the body eventually adapted, but not completely, at the end of each day as I showered washing away the day’s sweat and dirt I would discover a new ache or pain in a muscle that I never knew existed. It causes the constant dominating thought of "Should I just quit?" "Is the pain worth it?"
Despite all the pain and struggles the adventure always seems to be worth it. Seeing the world through a different perspective, walking or cycling through small towns and cities. It is a way of seeing everything at a slow pace, you have time to explore places, learn about the country and meet new people rather than speeding past in a car or a train. Slow travel becomes a lifestyle and it feels glorious. The mixed emotions are all part of the adventure, you learn about yourself as well as the world around you. The good and bad feelings you feel with an intensity unlike the normal 9 to 5 grind and weekends drooling over the television remote, it is great to feel alive. Despite the crazy mixed emotions throughout my adventures I wouldn’t change a thing and look forward to getting on the road again.