After writing Post-Adventure Blues 2 weeks ago I started to feel better. I re-read my blog post and realised that adventure is all about the ups and downs, and I realised there are two more blogs that are yet to be written. So this blog is all about the adventure blues but before I even start.
All adventures start with an idea, ideas come and go but this one sticks with me. It excites me when I think about it, and that's how I know the adventure is right for me. The next logical step would be to get ready to go on it, yet I continue to think about it. I should be open, it’s exciting, and it's a great conversation starter, but I continue to work it all out in my head. Can I really do this? What would people think? Am I sane? Eventually, I bite the bullet. I start telling my friends and family what I plan to do, some love the idea. Others think I am mad, but it never matters, I have declared what I am going to do to the world, which means I have to do it, right?
Money is everything, I depend on it and I work hard to earn it. Why am I throwing it all away on a silly adventure? Is it worth it? It takes months, sometimes even years to save up the money to go on a big adventure. There are days when there is nothing else I want to do more which makes me save harder. Some days I struggle to see why I want to put myself through all the hardships of adventure. Then I find myself drinking at the bar spending my hard-earned money pondering about life.
My next stage of pre-adventure blues is imposter syndrome. I quite often wonder what the hell am I doing. I'm not Ranulph Fiennes, I'm not an explorer, I don’t have the skills to keep myself alive, I’m not brave, who do I think I am? Cycling a continent has been done before. But adventure is for everyone, not only for the brave explorers. I can have fun even if I am not breaking records or exploring new lands. The quicker I can get over my insecurities, the quicker I can get back to planning a once-in-a-lifetime adventure.
Then we get to the point when I realise I don’t know what I am doing. I am about to cycle around Europe and realise I can’t fix my bike, I can barely change a puncture. I am about to walk 500 miles through Spain and realise I can’t read a map. It's important to remind myself, but shouldn’t stop me. I can always learn to read a map and learn to fix my bike, learning new skills along the way is all part of the adventure.
The day is getting closer and I start to get ready for my trip. The nerves start kicking in, it doesn’t matter how many times I go on an adventure I always feel nervous. What the hell am I doing? I start to play out all the worst-case scenarios in my head. What if I didn’t save enough money? What if my bike breaks down in the middle of nowhere and I can’t fix it? What if I get hit by a car? What if I get robbed? I start to pack and start panicking about all the things I might need at the same time trying to pack light. It is an impossible struggle packing my bag, trying to decide if I should take an extra layer with me or pack light.
The hardest part of the whole adventure is actually starting. When I took my first step in San Sebastian on my 500-mile walk I was feeling nervous, I had never done such a big adventure. But once I started going I realised there was nothing to worry about. When I first took off from London intending to cycle a continent, it was daunting. 10 weeks on a bike, what an idiot I thought, but it was all worth it in the end. When I had my first conversation with a stranger and I shared tales and learnt new things I knew it was worth the money. When I was cycling along in a gorge with the most beautiful views of the mountains in gorgeous weather, I knew that it was worth all the initial panic. When I was walking along a clifftop feeling the refreshing coastal breeze while staring out to sea, I knew it was worth the pain of organising it. Adventure is always worth it in the end.
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